It's You
by messedupfruitsrotten
Summary: Sousuke is in love with Seijuro despite the man constantly dating and having sex with other people... and telling it all to Sousuke. (Snippets of Seijuro and Sousuke's complicated relationship. SeiSou, Slice of Life. Might be rated M later idk sometimes I might not be able to help myself ok)
1. Chapter 1

"And she was so hot too," Seijuro sighed, laying his head down onto the cafe table. "I guess it's my fault though. Maybe I'm scum."

"I would say so," Sousuke agreed before taking a sip of his coffee.

They had managed to become acquaintances through Rin some time ago, but their budding friendship halted due to a few months of not seeing each other. After running into each other at a Samezuka culture festival (both being invited by Momotaro), they decided to catch up and keep in touch.

Sousuke half-regretted this for two reasons: One - Seijuro turned out to be the type to complain about his overactive love life. Which was annoying because most of his romantic problems were self-caused. Two - Sousuke sometimes found himself thinking 'dump all these girls and settle down with me,' which he hated himself for. He wished he could explain it, or pinpoint the exact detail, but there was just something about Seijuro that made others easily fall for him. With Seijuro being bi and what Sousuke would label a borderline sex addict, it was very simple for his romantic endeavors to turn into a juggling act he couldn't keep up with.

He and Sousuke were actually the first few people to come out to each other, discussing the troubles of being bisexual in Japanese society, but Sousuke quickly found that's where their sexual similarities ended.

Seijuro was kinky and just loved love, spreading and receiving it from anyone and almost everyone who was willing (and there were plenty of willing people). Sousuke simply wanted to find someone who he could quietly spend the rest of his life with.

"But then again, he's just so hot too," Seijuro contemplated, digging out his phone to look at a couple of pictures. "They're both too good. Why can't I have both?"

Sousuke rolled his eyes then kicked Seijuro underneath the table. "Why are you like this? Huh? You give people like us a bad name!"

"I know," Seijuro groaned, rubbing his thumb over a photo of the girl he was no longer with. "But I can't help it…"

He turned off his phone, not allowing himself to be subjected to the pain of heartbreak. Another sigh as he looked out the glass walls of the cafe, watching crowds pass by on the street. A thoughtful blink.

"Do you think I should try dating Isao-kun?" Seijuro eventually asked, not making eye contact with Sousuke. "I mean, aside from the awesome sex, we've had some pretty good conversations. Maybe Kameko-chan wasn't the one to start out with? Maybe I should've just been dating Isao-kun all along?"

"Date whoever you're not going to cheat on, I guess," Sousuke said with a furrowed brow.

He wasn't prepared for the half-lidded look that Seijuro then threw his way. It felt chock full of words that Sousuke was afraid to assume he understood. So he choked out a, "Wh-what?"

"I'm not technically dating him yet," Seijuro said.

"Isao-kun?" Sousuke asked, licking his suddenly dry lips.

"Yeah," Seijuro dragged the word out for what felt like a little to long. "Do you want to try something out?"

* * *

This decision Sousuke knew almost immediately he full-regretted. He woke up in the hotel floating on a bed of nothing but regret and self-hatred. He pitied himself partially for being another fly caught in Seijuro's invisible web of seduction. He had fallen for a predator and despite being fully aware of that, he'd let himself get gobbled up. All he could hope was that he wouldn't get spit out and abandoned like so many others who had walked in and out of Seijuro's heart.

The red phone on the nightstand buzzed and Sousuke found it hard to not glimpse at the message while his partner from the previous night remained asleep.

"Subject: Honey~

From: Isao-kun~

Message: Good morning, darling~~ what happened last night? We were supposed to see each other?"

Sousuke wanted to puke.

* * *

Sousuke appreciated that Seijuro rarely ever talked about that night. Once while they were getting fast food, the redhead had made an offhanded joke about Sousuke's blowjob skills, but he never again did anything of the sort after seeing how uncomfortable it made the younger man.

Every now and then, whenever Seijuro had something particularly exciting or troubling to talk about, he would visit Sousuke at his home so they could go for a light run and talk. Sousuke's family had also fallen susceptible to Seijuro's indescribable charm, accepting him fairly quickly and treating him kinder than any of Sousuke's other friends.

"I'm really thinking about dropping out," Seijuro said as they jogged through the brunet's neighborhood.

"Again?" Sousuke asked, remembering them having a similar discussion quite a few times.

"More like still," Seijuro explained. "But now I think I'm really settling on body modification."

"Being honest," Sousuke said. "I thought you were joking about becoming a tattoo artist when you first told me. Does that seem like such a great idea?"

"I don't know," Seijuro admitted with a shrug. "It's just... keeping up with my studies and swimming is becoming more difficult and it's kind of like, if I don't see this as worth it then maybe I need to rethink some things, y'know?"

"I understand," Sousuke said after a pause even though he didn't, or at least, not completely. Seijuro had been so talented and passionate when it came to swimming. He couldn't see him doing anything else. Not to mention, Sousuke had thought Seijuro was past the point of having a career-dilemma. But after having these sort of thoughts, Sousuke always returned to the conclusion that Seijuro's life wasn't Sousuke's to judge or rule. So he would support whatever Seijuro settled on doing as long it was rational, he put all his heart into it, and it made him happy.

"I feel like I'm just talking about myself," Seijuro laughed. "How're things going at your dad's shop?"

"Alright, I guess," Sousuke replied. "I'm a little bored though. Rin said I should really think about going for that massage therapist thing."

"I agree. I've already said that's a good idea!"

"If I'm gonna do it, I suppose I should do it soon, huh?"

"Yeah, you should seriously go for it! Hey, hey, once you do, I can get some free massages, right?"

"Sure, but I'll have to charge you."

"That defeats the whole purpose, idiot!"

"You're the idiot, idiot!"

* * *

I'm the idiot, Sousuke thought to himself as he sat at that same cafe table they flocked to during their meet-ups. He knew it was wrong, but seriously had a hard time not glancing through Seijuro's phone as the older boy stood at the counter, ordering their drinks.

"Subject: None

From: Isao-kun~

Message: I miss you let's see each other this weekend okay? ;)"

"Subject: None

From: Miki-chan

Message: Yeah, I don't think I really want to I won't if you don't want me to…"

Curious about what 'if you don't want me to' was referencing, Sousuke speed-scrolled through their messaging conversation. From what he read before returning the phone to the exact position its owner left it in, Miki appeared to be a girl who Seijuro had been talking to in a friendly manner. Their more recent texts were the first to come off as romantic in any sort of way. Small talk about exams and friends had drifted into a playful back-and-forth about Miki not attending a group blind date.

Seijuro happily brought over Sousuke's usual drink to a very heavy-hearted Sousuke.

* * *

"I messed up again," Seijuro confessed to Sousuke over the phone. Sousuke couldn't see it, but Seijuro sat in his college dorm room, staring at the ceiling with dried up tears streaking down his face. "I'm just so messed up with quitting school and changing everything. It's hard to keep up with it all, you know? But I don't mean to hurt anyone. I love them, I really do."

"What did you do?" Sousuke asked calmly, throwing away the dust he swept up before changing the shop sign from OPEN to CLOSED.

"I had sex with this girl I've been talking to," Seijuro said, hitting himself on the head directly afterwards. "I'm so stupid! Things were going so well with Isao-kun, but now I feel like scum again."

"Seijuro…"

"I don't know why I do this shit, man," Seijuro half-laughed in a way that made his words sink. "I literally can't do anything right. Every aspect of my life, I fuck up. I'm a joke, so much that I'm even laughing at myself."

"Don't say that," Sousuke snarled, sitting on the counter and putting his head in his hands. He wondered if Seijuro's other friends also found the ups and downs of the Mikoshiba boy to be this exhausting. "You're just a little lost right now. I know the feeling all too well, okay? You just have to step back and figure some things out. Otherwise, you'll lose yourself to what others want."

"You mean Isao-kun's wants or Miki-chan's?" Seijuro asked, already feeling slightly more at peace, but somehow at the time, even more confused.

"Both. And your parent's," Sousuke explained. "And society's. Everyone's. Take some time to picture your future and what it looks like. Maybe not your exact job or the exact person you're with, but like, what traits those things have."

They stayed on the phone for a few minutes, just listening to each other breathe. Seijuro calmed down and really gave his life some thought while Sousuke stressed out over the sound of Seijuro just being there. Just the noise of his existence twisted Sousuke into more knots than he'd ever understand. Those minutes were painful moments of Sousuke trying to picture a life with someone other than the redhead. Whether Sousuke took over his father's business, or became a masseuse, or a office worker, or anything, no matter what, any lover he pictured by his side was nothing in comparison to Seijuro.

The silence finally crashed into Seijuro's husky laugh and ripping reply:

"It's weird, my future always has you there."

* * *

Seijuro was busy cooking breakfast for himself and Sousuke as the brunet sat on Seijuro's futon. They were lazing about in the studio apartment the older boy shared with a good friend. The two left the same college for different reasons, but happily roomed together regardless. His roommate had a girlfriend who he often visited, leaving the small space for Sousuke and Seijuro to share. Sousuke texted Rin about the troublesome feelings he was experiencing, a bit guilty that he was bothering his best friend with such trivial things while Rin was preparing for some very important races. But still best friends wouldn't be best friends if they didn't put up with your crap all while laughing.

Due to Seijuro's mischievous ways and past failed relationships, Rin originally discouraged Sousuke from pursuing the drop-out, which Sousuke had assured him was never happening anyways. But Sousuke's feelings towards Seijuro were so persistent that Rin figured Sousuke should just go for it. What he left out though was that he thought Sousuke should just go for it, get his heart broken, thus ending this saga and allowing Rin to do the "I was right" dance.

Sousuke had a hard time putting it into words, but "going for it" wouldn't feel right. Seijuro had reluctantly broken up with Isao, giving the other man a relatively hidden and vague reason why. Miki hadn't contacted Seijuro after they had sex and Seijuro deleted her from his phone along with several other exes and flings.

Sousuke knew Seijuro was pretty much sticking to casual sex exclusively with women at the moment and something about Sousuke asking Seijuro out would feel like he was breaking the other's flow.

It was almost as though the redheaded man was slowly getting himself comfortable in the world. Casual relationships and encounters meant no cheating or heartbreaking, but still all the affection that Seijuro loved to bathe himself in. Also, he held a job as a bouncer while simultaneously working towards becoming a tattoo artist. It seemed like Seijuro was on his way to that future he had once envisioned and there Sousuke was in it: the friend who was secretly in love with Seijuro, but still had to listen to his wild sex stories.

"If my boss would've walked in at that moment, I probably would've been fired!" Seijuro laughed as they conversed and ate.

"Why? Was she his favorite girl or something?" Sousuke asked passively, shooting Rin another text in between talking and eating.

"No, it's just…" Seijuro trailed off as he watched Sousuke smile at a received message. "Hey, are you still texting Rin? What're you talking about?"

"Huh? Oh, nothing really."

"Hey, uh, you two never…?"

Sousuke raised an eyebrow at the unfinished question.

Seijuro waved it away and chuckled. "Nothing, nothing, nevermind…"

* * *

Sousuke believed he didn't have the right to worry about Seijuro the way he was currently worrying. Seijuro's job was dangerous and Sousuke could've sworn he'd seen a bruise or two before. But he told himself that he wasn't Seijuro's parent or girlfriend - all he could do was say, "be careful," and hope for the best.

He noticed a bandaged wound while they sat in the cafe at a secluded little table, chatting as usual. Though somehow, the air was different today. Maybe it was because Seijuro had dressed nicer than usual. And smelled nicer than usual. And his feet kept finding their way to Sousuke's side of the floor, touching and tapping his.

The whole meeting felt different. And it had Sousuke's heart racing.

"I'm really proud of him," Sousuke said in regards to Rin. "He's seriously on his way to achieving his dream," he chuckled a little. "I can't say that I'm not even a tiny bit jealous, but mostly I'm proud."

His smile was warm and reminiscent. It was then that Seijuro leaned forward and took Sousuke's hands in his. The brunet's face flared red and no words came out his mouth.

"Hey," Seijuro began in a low voice. "Do you remember that night after Kameko-chan broke up with me?"

Sousuke gulped and looked away. "Kameko-chan? Which of your flings was that?"

"Sousuke," Seijuro's voice managed to be both firm and gentle. "I'm being serious here."

A pause. "I don't like talking about that," Sousuke admitted, still not making eye contact.

"I want to talk about it because I think I've spent too many months chasing after that night again."

Sousuke attempted to tug his hands away, but Seijuro held tight and their gazes met, locked together like a sweet inferno that Sousuke was shocked he didn't mind burning in.

"What do you mean?" Sousuke asked.

"Remember how I told you I got bored of women?" Seijuro said which ignited a reminder in Sousuke's mind, of the type of predator he was dealing with. "I switched to just male partners and realized… I was comparing them all to you."

Seijuro laughed and continued, "And then I realized that when I had talked to Isao-kun, I was constantly wishing that I were talking to you instead. And that everyone I've been with since becoming close to you all just fall short of perfection because they aren't you."

"Seijuro-"

"Every time I feel lost or troubled, I find you. Every future I picture, you're there. I'm an idiot for not realizing it sooner. You're my rock, my home, you're the one all along."

"Seijuro-"

"Sousuke, I'm in love with you."


	2. Chapter 2

"...I can't do this."

Sousuke stood up, tearing himself from Seijuro's grasp. He bit his lip then explained, "I've actually liked you for a very long time, but I can't…"

Unable to discover the words lurking inside him, Sousuke stormed away with an incomplete sentence lingering at a table of one.

The guilt of bothering Rin had pooled to weightily in his conscience, so he made an uncommon call to a relatively trustworthy friend. They caught up with each other now and again, often having pleasant chats and giving each other mature advice.

"It really is a complicated situation," Makoto agreed as he sat at his desk with several books and notes open.

Makoto was helpful in these situations. Whereas Sousuke would sort of revert to his teenaged self when talking to Rin - since he became close to Makoto when they were older - he had no teenage self to revert to with the green-eyed man.

Sousuke sat on his bed, tossing a small ball against his wall and catching it, over and over. Seijuro had got the ball from a capsule machine. He got two - he kept the black and red one for himself while giving the gold and blue one to Sousuke.

"I hate him," Sousuke said into the phone. "He does whatever he wants all while grinning like an idiot like everyone's just supposed to go along with his stupidity. I hate it."

"Well, isn't that a part of Seijuro-san's appeal?" Makoto asked, leaning back in his chair. "He's the type to naturally get everyone falling into his pace."

Sousuke paused to ponder on this. That was a good way to put it. That was the thing. The thing about Seijuro that got everyone to fall for him. His lightness and grins always made people slip into beat with him. It's also what made him such a great leader.

"...I hate it," Sousuke sighed, holding onto the ball, looking it over as though it would give him any bright ideas about what to do.

"Personally, I think you two are a good match," Makoto admitted with a smile.

"How's that?" Sousuke asked.

"You can be a bit too serious sometimes," Makoto said making Sousuke chuckle.

"I've heard that before," the dark-haired boy said, thinking of Rin.

"Seijuro-san brightens your gloomy world a bit," Makoto continued. "While I do think you still miss Rin, since becoming close with Seijuro-san, you seem a lot less lonely. You two have fun together and his insanity brings something interesting to your daily routine, right?"

Sousuke's face scrunched up as he remembered some of Seijuro's wild suggestions and stories. "Maybe a little too interesting!"

Makoto laughed, "That's probably true! ...But I think that's also why he needs someone like you."

"Needs… me?"

"Seijuro-san is easily swept up by his emotions. He'll yell when he's angry and laugh when he's happy no matter what else is going on around him. He needs someone like you to remind him what's real when he's losing himself to his feelings."

Every time I feel lost or troubled, I find you.

A blush crept up on Sousuke's face and he hadn't realized how long he'd been silent until he could hear Makoto's "Sousuke? Sousuke, you there?"

"Yeah, I'm here," Sousuke sighed, beginning to toss the ball once again.

Sousuke yawned, dreading the thought of going to work. Scratching his chest, he checked his phone as he did first thing every morning. All he could do was groan at what he saw: 14 texts and 16 missed calls all from Seijuro.

Letting out another disgruntled noise, he covered his face with one hand, holding the phone in the other. He didn't want to deal with this so early in the morning. He didn't even want to think about it. Work was seeming better already if it meant getting this ridiculousness off his mind.

He peeked at his phone from between his fingers, trying to fight down the curiosity. He removed his hand and began scrolling through his received texts, hating the hope and excitement that warmed him up inside.

"Subject: Sorry

From: Seijuro

Message: Sorry if I freaked you out but I'm not kidding you know"

"Subject: None

From: Seijuro

Message: I'm really serious. I love you. I really do. Call me if you want to talk about this"

"Aaah!" Sousuke bellowed, nearly throwing his phone. His face was definitely red by now. Uhg, he hated Seijuro. He hated himself. He hated having feelings. Despite knowing better, he read a few more..

"Subject: None

From: Seijuro

Message: I won't give up on you. I'm really in love with you"

"Subject: ;)

From: Seijuro

Message: If you like me too then… I'll give you time. You don't have to give any sort of reply. Either way, I want to keep you in my life 3"

This time, Sousuke actually did throw his phone. He prayed he didn't break it as he threw himself under his covers and grumbled, "I already gave you my reply, dumb gross idiot. I hate him. Gross perverted manwhore dickhead asshole. Screw him. I hate him. Uhg, I hate this."

"Okay, well, that's stupid," Rin said. He'd decided to video call Sousuke over webcam after not having heard from his best friend in a good while.

"Shut up," Sousuke said, flipping Rin off. There it was. Reverting very quickly into childish teenagery actions.

"I can't say I understand you," Rin explained. "But you should probably tell him how you feel even if you don't have it all figured out yet. Maybe while talking to him, you'll piece something together, but if you keep moping around-"

"I'm not moping."

"-moping around then both of you are just going to feel anxious and confused, you know?"

Sousuke rubbed his temples, picturing all the ways that conversation could go and most of them made him want to puke a thousand times over. But still, he knew Rin was right. Leaning his elbow on his desk, Sousuke laid his cheek in his palm, staring at the screen quietly.

"Hey," he said after a moment while Rin was checking over some class notes.

"What?" His redheaded friend absentmindedly asked.

"Do you think him and I make a good pair?"

"Hmm. I suppose you could've? I mean, the idea of two burly guys like you being into each other is mind-blowing enough for me, especially with the kind of girls the captain has liked in the past."

"Hehe, like your sister?"

"...Anyways, you're boring, he's fun. He's dumb as a doorknob, you're sensible. Seems like it could've worked out."

Sousuke narrowed his eyes. "You keep saying 'could've?'"

Rin left his notes and looked back to the computer screen. "You know too much about him now. He means well, but you know he's got, y'know, 'commitment issues.' If you can deal with that, then date the shit out of him, but be ready."

Sousuke let out another long groan which Rin promptly talked right over. "That was a nice way of saying he's a cheater, so be prepared for me to say 'I was right' if something happens. It's ultimately up to you though."

Rin was right. Not about the cheating thing. Well, Sousuke thought he most likely was, but he'd already spent too much time mulling over that. This time, Rin was right about the decision ultimately being up to Sousuke.

He stood outside Seijuro's door, telling himself to breathe. He couldn't forget to breathe. Breathing's important, he told himself. Without it, you're dead.

When Seijuro opened the door, grinning that dumb grin he does that's super cute and heart-warming, Sousuke totally forgot to breathe. Not that he let it show at all.

"Come on in!" Seijuro said, scratching the back of his head. Sousuke walked inside to see the small space had been straightened up quite a bit. "You had always been griping at me about cleaning up so I uh… um, yeah, so!" Seijuro cleared his throat and plopped down on his futon as Sousuke closed the door behind himself.

"It looks good," Sousuke said, sitting down across from Seijuro who was blushing red as a tomato. "...What's wrong with you?"

"The mood always changes when you're alone with the person you like, you know?" Seijuro said with a laugh.

"Moron," Sousuke scoffed, kicking the other man. "We've been alone together tons of times before."

"Yeah," Seijuro said, the aura of his warm smile changing into something private and sensual. "But somehow it's different now."

Sousuke gulped, cursing the apartment for being so tiny. He scooted back, putting a little distance between the two of them.

"I just wanted to come over and talk about the other day," Sousuke said solemnly, looking away.

"If you just want to hang out as friends still, that's fine-"

"It's not," Sousuke interrupted. "You've already made it clear that we can't do that."

The warmth in the smile suddenly faded all into sadness.

"So," Seijuro began. "What? This is your goodbye or something?"

"No, not necessarily," Sousuke went on, feeling less embarrassed by the second. "I want to tell you how I feel."

"Okay," Seijuro ran his hand through his hair in a way that Sousuke had to tell himself wasn't sexy at all. "Go ahead, I'm listening."

"For long time now, I've liked you. Maybe even been in love with you. Opposites attract, I guess or some bullshit like that." (Seijuro laughed at this.) "But I've had to listen to your stories about having sex with people who aren't me. About being happy with people who aren't me. About falling for people who aren't me. It's been painful this entire time, but I cherished our friendship, so I haven't said anything. That night we spent together… talking about it makes me uncomfortable because I thought afterwards I would feel like that was enough, but instead I felt even more hollow. It hurt to think that might've been my only chance to be so close with you… So you would think hearing that you like me would make me happy, but after all we've been through, it just scares me."

Sousuke grabbed at his chest, closing his eyes to stop the tears that he knew wouldn't come anyway. "Seijuro, you haven't been loyal to your other partners. I've been the one you even told it all to. How am I supposed to trust you? All this love I've been holding onto painfully… to give it you only to end up heartbroken? It scares me."

Seijuro stared at his friend, rarely hearing him be so open. His heart swelled with many different emotions as he moved closer to Sousuke, taking the other man's hands into a gentle hold. Sousuke's eyes blinked open..

"Sousuke…" Seijuro breathed, locking their eyes. Sousuke felt vulnerable and happy and like he wanted to stab Seijuro in his stupid sexy face. The redhead continued, "I wish you would have told me these things sooner. But I… with you, it's different. I promise. The same way I've always told you everything, I'll keep telling you everything. I want to be completely honest with you. I want to make you happy, to build a life with you. I… I've never told any of my other partners that I was in love with them. I said 'I love you' of course and I did love them. Even now, I care about them. But I've never felt this way for anyone but you."

Sousuke's hands felt like they were burning from the touch and he was sure that if he gazed into Seijuro's beautiful amber orbs any longer, he'd implode. He desperately wanted to believe Seijuro, but his own worries still pestered him along with Rin's words from a few nights before. He's a cheater.

Suddenly, Sousuke found himself wondering, did Seijuro even mean well? Maybe he was a really playboy out to ruin as many lives as he could. How many others had he used this exact speech on? Well, it made sense of why it would've worked so many times because Sousuke's heart was fluttering. His mind was being tossed about, dragged down into something heavy and lifted into light back in forth a million times in one second then he came to his ultimate decision: he could end things there and be depressed now or date Seijuro for x amount of time, get cheated on, and be depressed later. Procrastination was in a college-aged adult's nature.

"Fine."

"Huh?"

"Fine."

"Fine what?" Seijuro asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Let's give this a try," Sousuke said, smiling slowly at his new boyfriend whose eyes seemed to start glowing.

"Really?"

"Don't make me rethink this."

"Really?"

"Seijuro…"

Seijuro wrapped his arms around Sousuke, clutching onto him tightly. "I love you!"

"Okay…" Sousuke mumbled, patting his lover on the back.

Seijuro pulled away slightly, his face hovering centimeters away from Sousuke's and closing in. "Really," he said, voice dropping a couple octaves. "I love you…"

Seijuro wasn't ready to taste freshly swept studio apartment floor.

"Ouch!" Seijuro squawked, sitting back up from have his head shoved into the ground. "Why'd you do that? We have to consummate this relationship!"

"No." Sousuke said firmly, staring very blankly at Seijuro.

"Come on," Seijuro pleaded. "Just one little kiss?"

Sousuke's fixed look remained. "For some reason, I don't think 'one little kiss' is going to stay 'one little kiss' with you being… you."

"I promise," Seijuro said, beaming. "If I try anything, then you can hit me!"

Sousuke's cheeks tinted pink and he gave in, agreeing to a small, chaste kiss.

When their lips met, Sousuke could feel his entire body heating up. They had kissed before during that one night, but Seijuro was right. Things were different now. Sousuke's brow furrowed and toes curled and his heart rate went off the charts. Just from a sincere little kiss. He wondered if Seijuro felt it too. Then as he felt a hand slip under his shirt and fingers lightly teasing at the small of his back, he couldn't help letting out a moan while simultaneously wondering why Seijuro was so dumb.

"Ow!" Seijuro yelled as Sousuke grabbed the redhead's face and just squeezed. "I said you could hit me, not hold me in some weird face death grip!"

Sousuke sat up in his bed, dreading the idea of going to work. After a yawn, he checked his phone as he did every morning. His face flushed at reading the message left for him.

"Subject: I love you

From: Seijuro

Message: I love you I love you I love you soooo much :)))"

Sousuke sighed.

"I hate him."


	3. Chapter 3

Sousuke found himself over at Seijuro's apartment more often than he was home. He was almost a third roommate, usually sleeping over there even when Seijuro's actual roommate was present.

Seijuro's roommate probably would've minded more (he had complained a few times), if Sousuke didn't do things like clean and cook for them. Seijuro and his roommate weren't necessarily slobs, cleanliness was simply not on the forefront of their minds. And while Sousuke wasn't much of a chef, Seijuro and his roommate were much worse - often too lazy to even make instant ramen.

Sousuke was hovering over the pot placed on the single burner oven, watching the noodles and water boil. He had been awake for the past hour which he spent exercising and occasionally kicking Seijuro to see if he had woken up yet.

The redhead's roommate was out at work, so Sousuke took the liberty of making himself truly at home by comfortably wearing shorts and nothing else. It wasn't especially hot, but the temperature easily rose in a small space stuffed with three big guys.

Sousuke jumped a bit as two strong arms wrapped around his stomach.

"You surprised me," Sousuke half-yawned, turning the heat of the burner down.

Seijuro placed a soft kiss on his lover's neck before asking, "Whatcha making?"

"Ramen."

Seijuro laughed. "No, you're not."

"What do you mean? Of course I am. Look."

Seijuro moved around Sousuke to stare at the noodles in the pot and laugh even more.

"What're you doing? Put the flavoring in," Seijuro said, reaching for the silver packet placed on the counter.

"No," Sousuke replied definitively, slapping Seijuro's hand away. "Not yet."

"You're ruining it, the noodles are supposed to boil in the soup!"

"It's better if you pour the water out after cooking the noodles and put the flavoring right on them."

"But then you can't add any egg. Add the flavoring now!"

"No! The egg can be cooked separately."

"There's no way! The egg should be beaten then poured into the soup while the ramen cooks!"

"A fried egg should be placed on top of the ramen so the yolk can be broken while you eat...!"

"Are you crazy? The best part of ramen with egg is finding egg bits throughout the entire thing!"

"If I add seasoning now, the soup will be beef flavored, but the noodles'll taste like shit."

"The package tells you how to make the ramen! Why would it lie?" With this argument, Seijuro picked up the foil packet of flavoring and tore it open.

"What are you doing?"

"I won't let you ruin this ramen!"

"Stop! You're the one ruining it!"

As they scuffled over the packet, Sousuke bumped into the pot's handle, sending it crashing to the floor, boiling hot water and noodles and all.

* * *

Bundles of plastic baggies filled with ice rested on their feet as they quietly ate the pizza Seijuro ordered.

Sousuke used this time to glare steadfastly at Seijuro who would occasionally say things like "Great weather, right?" and "This pizza isn't bad," but never "I'm sorry and you're way of making ramen was clearly superior to my own idiotic style" which is what Sousuke wanted to hear.

* * *

Sousuke laid on his bed and Seijuro laid on Sousuke, the redhead's cheek resting on Sousuke's chest. Seijuro hugged Sousuke's waist, warmth buzzing comfortably through his body.

"You asleep?" Seijuro asked.

"No, just thinking," Sousuke replied, eyes closed.

"About what?"

"How annoying you are," Sousuke said with smirk-filled laughter.

"You're not cute at all," Seijuro complained.

Sousuke sat up and looked down at his lover. "I'm a man, I'm not supposed to be cute."

"That's too bad because you're actually the cutest," Seijuro said, lifting up to place to a quick peck on Sousuke's nose.

Sousuke's face burned red as he covered his nose. "You just said I'm not cute at all…"

"I was kidding," Seijuro stuck out his tongue playfully before loosely wrapping his arms around Sousuke's neck and placing a stronger kiss to his lips.

"Cut it out," Sousuke groaned when they parted. His gaze drifted off. "I don't want to go too far or something…"

"Then let's go to a hotel," Seijuro suggested with half-lidded eyes.

"I don't want to do any of that yet," Sousuke said. "At all."

Seijuro blinked then cocked his head to the side. "What?"

"I don't want to like have sex or anything for a while."

"...what?" Seijuro repeated like something in his brain short circuited.

Sousuke gulped, knowing they would have to have this conversation sooner or later.

"Even though we've already done it before," he said. "I want to move at normal relationship pace."

Seijuro merely stared for a few moments then nodded. "I can do that."

"Can you really?" Sousuke deadpanned.

"Yeah. Normal relationship pace. I can totally do that."

* * *

"I lied, I can't do that. Roommate's gone. Please come over," Seijuro said into the phone.

"Oh my god, you're trash," Sousuke groaned sleepily.

"I can't stop thinking about you," Seijuro whined, rolling around on his apartment floor. "Pleaseee."

"Goodnight," Sousuke said, hanging up his cellphone.

Not since his teenage years had Seijuro spent so much time jerking off.

* * *

After class one day, Sousuke decided to drop by Seijuro's place, but he arrived right when his boyfriend had to go to work. Sousuke hung out there, waiting for Sei's return. He didn't mind being all by himself in an apartment that wasn't his, he'd done it a few times before when Seijuro had to run and get something or meet with a friend for a second.

Sousuke took the opportunity to straighten up for the roommates, stumbling across a pile of pens and papers on the floor, an area that Seijuro labeled his "work desk." It wasn't for work or a desk, but Sousuke and Sei's roommate accepted it for what it was.

It was this spot where Seijuro drew tattoo designs with notebooks open from the courses he was taking in order to get his certificate approving him of being able to legally tattoo.

Sousuke was shocked by what he saw, pulling out an older picture from a pile then gazing at the image Seijuro was currently working on. Not only was the growth in skill extremely obvious, but the newer design was just so beautiful. It was creative and meaningful and incredibly detailed. Sousuke was astounded, excited to flip through Seijuro's latest pieces. What he found was that each individual work was unique yet kept to the same style. Each masterpiece was filled to the brim with detail, the attention put into every work was clear. Also, the love put into them was clear.

These designs weren't just copy and paste concepts, pulled from a book or the internet - they were Seijuro's overflowing emotions and enthusiasm pouring out onto pages in the form of bursting colors and expressive images.

Sousuke then noticed several balled up papers, that he had made a mental note to throw away. But now, he was curious as to what was on them. Unraveling the pages, he found they all had the same image - A grey rock with golden waves crashing upon it. Over and over it was drawn, each time, it still ended up crumpled and rejected. Some we're just outlines, others seemed to be finished products, but they all had one moving similarity. On the back, Seijuro had jotted down "For Sousuke."

Part of Sousuke thought of how he probably shouldn't have seen this, maybe it was meant to be a surprise, but mostly he thought of how Seijuro would have to do quite a bit of convincing before he would get a tattoo.

Sousuke figured why stop the snooping train and went on to poke around more of Seijuro's stacks of folders and papers.

Getting through the mediocre doodles of tattoos from years past and old tests from college, Sousuke found more interesting things.

Those old tests and essays had really good scores. And Seijuro's final transcripts? Outstanding grades. Going deeper he even found notes of Seijuro breaking his old college's swimming records and being basically top 5% for both swimming and grades. He was a really impressive student. One of the best.

Sousuke felt something in between pride and anger. Seijuro had been doing incredibly well. He had been recognized for his accomplishments and was extremely successful in all his pursuits. Why had he given it up for tattooing? Something that was still reviled by mainstream Japanese society? Something that he had only recently showed any major interest in? Something that Sousuke was sure wouldn't give him the rush that swimming could?

He hadn't been aware of how much time he had spent going through his lover's things and contemplating these questions until Seijuro opened the door letting out a loud sigh.

"Boy, was tonight crazy!" Seijuro laughed, taking off his shoes and closing the door behind him. He paused the story he was about to tell, staring at Sousuke sitting amongst strewn about papers. "Uh, what are you doing?"

Sousuke stood, stormed over to Seijuro and grabbed him by the collar.

"Why?" he asked with his head hung low. "Why did you leave your school and quit swimming when you were doing so…"

Seijuro blinked at Sousuke who was too conflicted to complete his sentence.

"Sou, I wasn't happy," Seijuro explained.

"Happy?" Sousuke marched over to his transcripts and swimming times, snatching them up. "How could this not have made you happy? You were perfect!"

"I know, it sucked," Seijuro muttered, plopping down in front of the television. "I already told you that I figured out I didn't want to swim as a career, that it was ruining swimming for me."

"But to be honest," Sousuke said, taking up a seat next to his partner. "I thought maybe you were doing badly, maybe things were going differently than how you envisioned."

"Nope," Seijuro said casually, setting up a game system to play. "Things were going pretty fuckin' swell."

"Then why?"

"I already said," Seijuro groaned. "I wasn't happy. Maybe it was my ego, but I felt like I was already the best, leaping into the water to do the same thing over and over. Winning stopped being fun. The connection to it all was lost. This thing that I'd thrown my entire being into… I didn't love it anymore."

Seijuro's voice dropped into something very sad.

"You remember that time," he went on. "Of course I tried to keep myself happy around others back then, but I bore out my true feelings to you - how as my drive towards swimming slowly died, my drive towards body mod grew."

Sousuke looked at the papers in his hands. Numbers ranking, rating, judging - stating the worth of a person, their intelligence, their skill. This wasn't Seijuro. Confined to the emotionless and repetitive school life that came along with his swimming. The multiple competitions ending all the same way. Then Sousuke looked to the drawings across the room - bursting with life and flavor. A twisted ride with hearts and souls as the passengers, all displayed for the world to see so that maybe the world could understand Seijuro a little better. And Sousuke realized he didn't understand Seijuro as much as he thought he did.

"Why tattoos?" Sousuke asked, the papers slipping from his hands in an attitude akin to defeat.

Seijuro thought for a moment, game controller in his hand. He closed his eyes as he felt his words from the inside out.

"Because after having the epiphany that swimming isn't my passion," Seijuro began. "I found out that passion is."

"Huh?"

"I love emotion. I love feeling. Art is a physical bearing of your innermost soul. Someone wishes to bear their soul on their skin for eternity? That's beautiful. A devotion to passion so strong that you want to become a mural for it? That is the embodiment of feeling! When you're tattooing, there's just the imagination of your design, the most sacred kind of canvas - your body is your temple or whatever - and the needle. With just these three things you pull at the love, anger, sadness, anything lurking in someone's core and paint it onto their body until they feel beautiful or until they remember something they feared forgetting or until they realize what devotion means. They realize what statement they just made."

Sousuke couldn't look away from Sejiuro whose eyes sparkled as he talked about tattoos. He'd heard Seijuro talk like this about swimming once, but that speech ended with "Though I wonder how long this can last…" Back then, he believed Seijuro to be referencing the young age at which swimmers peak, but he now knew that the redhead was referring to his motivation to swim professionally.

"So," Sousuke began, gaze darting to the re-crumpled pieces portraying the golden waves and the rock. "You're really going to do it then?"

"I'm working on it," Seijuro said proudly, now playing his game. "Hopefully I'll be set up in a shop in about a month or two."

Sousuke laid down, straining to look at Mikoshiba Seijuro. Playing video games. Seijuro was childish. But filled with determination for whatever he wanted, whether it be a career, a person, a ramen packet. He always went all in. He cared a lot about others. He liked to take care of people, but not baby them. He was a bit of idiot, studying and acing tests, but forgetting all the information directly afterward.

Cooking and cleaning he could do, though he usually didn't. He always said if he were to have a kid, he'd be a strict father. Sousuke didn't believe him. Seijuro was always polite with strangers and even his whispering voice was loud. He often cheated on his partners because he had so much love to give. He often apologized to his partners because he hated hurting people's feelings. His idea of a perfect relationship involved a lot of sex and pet-names and text messages containing hearts.

Seijuro was firm about his loved ones finding happiness. He was often surprisingly naive and had an addiction to laughing when he wanted to cry. Manliness was in his nature, though sometimes he would actively avoid doing something feminine. He was inclusive, but intolerant to intolerance. He was a whimsical complicated being.

Mikoshiba Seijuro was playing video games and Sousuke realized he didn't understand him as much as he thought he did.


	4. Chapter 4

Sousuke was mostly afraid of giving too much of himself to Seijuro. He was scared that he'd let himself happily drift along at Seijuro's pace until suddenly the inevitable would happen and he'd feel as though was falling from the sky. As much as seeing Seijuro walk about shirtless frustrated Sousuke, he knew he had to control himself and set a pace more comfortable for him - he had to be the one holding the reigns for something.

There were times when they would make-out and Sousuke would be tempted to just give in, but then the fear would sink in and he knew they had to stop. Each time they were intimate, Sousuke would allow it go farther and farther - touching more places, kissing more places, getting closer and closer - until he'd cut things off and Seijuro would excuse himself to the bathroom.

The only thing that worried Sousuke more than giving too much of himself away, was Seijuro feeling he needed to go elsewhere for physical attention. This fear required Sousuke's strongest self-discipline. Now that they were officially together, peeks into Seijuro's phone screamed distrust which was a huge no-no. Even though Sousuke knew this, he constantly found himself biting back the questions "Who are you talking to?" and "Why were you out so late?"

And there was one time when he couldn't help himself.

"I did it," Sousuke said with a defeated tone into his cell as he walked back home from the train station.

"Did what?" Rin replied, going over his times from that day.

"While Seijuro was getting ready for work," Sousuke sighed. "I kind of… went through his phone."

"No."

"I know, I'm terrible."  
Rin laughed a little. "You're seriously turning into one of those paranoid, jealous girlfriends."

"Shut up, that's not it," Another sigh. "I mean, you know what he's like. Of course I'm worried…"

"Well… did you find anything?"

The sighs turned into groans. "That's the worst part!"

"He's cheating?!"

"No," Sousuke snarled, entering his house quietly as to not disturb his sleeping family. "I didn't find anything. He's innocent and I snooped like he was hiding something. I feel so bad."

"Don't blame yourself so much," Rin yawned. "You said 'you know what he's like' yourself so it's not like what you did is _too_ surprising."

"Still…" There's a long pause before Sousuke cursed and said, "I really don't want to become a jealous girlfriend."

Rin could only laugh.

* * *

"Don't tell me you're afraid of it," Seijuro asked with a raised eyebrow.

"I'm not afraid, I just don't like it," Sousuke stated, straight-faced.

The brunet stood outside the redhead's apartment, refusing to step inside until the beetle was put in a closed container. Pochi, a bug proudly caught by Momotaro, was being watched by the owner's brother while the younger was in the process of moving. Seijuro thought the beetles were kind of cute so he'd put them in opened tupperware containers with paper towel liner and watch them crawl around and eat leaves. Sousuke, however, saw no appeal in this activity. While he refused to call it a fear of bugs, he preferred not being around them or in a situation where one could possibly escapeandohdeargodTOUCHHIMNO.

Besides why keep bugs? Just let them roam in the wild, free to be as gross and ugly as they want.

"He's harmless," Seijuro laughed, picking the little guy up.

"I know that," Sousuke dead-panned. Augh, he felt like was going to puke. Seijuro was actually holding it with his bare hands. "Put it down before you-"

Plink! Little beetle feet hit the hardwood floor running and Seijuro had never seen Sousuke run so fast.

* * *

Sousuke couldn't help but stare. Whatever was curling inside his stomach was nasty and strong and hurt so badly he couldn't stop himself from asking, "What's that?"

Seijuro pulled down his shirt a bit, quickly revealing a bandaged wound on his shoulder.

"This?" Seijuro asked, his question was met with a nod. Seijuro rubbed the back of his neck. "Nothing. Just got into a scuffle at work."

"...Oh."

Sousuke tried his best to leave the subject alone. They had argued before, mostly over little things, but the one big argument they'd had was over Seijuro's job as a bouncer. Sousuke hated it. It was dangerous and while Sei wasn't a scrawny dude, he still didn't know much about martial arts or self defense. At first, everything seemed fine, but after Seijuro's first time getting hurt on the job, Sousuke demanded that he quit. Of course, Seijuro didn't want to do this, saying he'd just hold on to this gig until he got his license to tattoo and was set up in a shop. It then became a back and forth about money and safety that went in circles up to the moment Sousuke decided it was getting late. He said he had to go home so he could get a decent night's sleep so that he could wake up for an honest day's work. His word choices were clear jabs to Seijuro's seedy line of work.

This time, though he hated bringing it up, he couldn't just move on.

"I saw a Help Wanted sign outside of Matsuda's Meat and Seafood Shop today," Sousuke muttered as the two walked into Seijuro's apartment.

"Sousuke…" Seijuro groaned followed by an exhausted sigh.

"Please quit," Sousuke begged. "I'm getting really worried."

"I'll be fine, it's just until-"

"I know but what if _something_-" his breath hitched a little and he had to fight down the fear. "-_happens_ before then?"

"Nothing is going to… _happen_," Seijuro attempted to reassure him as he removed enough layers to be comfy. "You always fear the worst. You know what that means?"

Sousuke didn't reply, just went to the small kitchenette and began throwing together something they could eat. His brow remained furrowed with worry.

"You're a pessimist, Sou," Seijuro answered, unwarranted. He turned on the lamp that sat at his "work desk" and began shuffling through old sketches, planning on doodling up a few more. "You gotta learn not to sweat the small stuff."

"It's not a small thing to worry about you," Sousuke said, feeling himself getting vaguely irritated.

Seijuro laughed, slapping his knee. "I get that, I appreciate it! But I'm fine!"

"Don't laugh!" Sousuke yelled, turning from the kitchen area to look his lover in the eye. "This isn't funny to me! I understand that it's just something to hold you over until things come together, but.." His fists clenched and he turned back to the stove, punching the wall in front of him. "If you die, I'll kill you, damn it!"

Seijuro snickered a bit. He stood and walked over to his lover, wrapping his arms around Sousuke's waist and laying his chin on Sousuke's shoulder.

"Okay, I won't die then."

"I'm serious. This isn't funny to me."

"You're always serious and never funny."

"...Nevermind, I'm just going to kill you now."

"HAHAHA!"

* * *

Seijuro dropped the game controller with a bored breath before glancing towards the door. His roommate was once again nowhere to be found and Sousuke was busy with class and then work. Seijuro was off that night with no classes for himself. Originally he was excited about this alone time.

But as the evening progressed, he found his boredom rapidly growing. He wondered if he was getting old because going out to places he used to mingle sounded dull.

"What am I thinking?" He said to himself. "I'm still in my 20s! ...but…"

But going out partying seemed lame now. He thought maybe being a bouncer had ruined clubs for him or maybe he just needed to hit up a new spot. After going through the possibilities he realized something:

He just really missed Sousuke. Drinking and dancing wasn't nearly as fun as spending time with Sousuke, just talking and laughing. Sitting around with not much to do made him wish Sousuke were there to call him stupid and make him food and generally gripe at him. He wanted to brag to his lover about how far he got in this video game and tell him about Momotarou's new girlfriend. But he couldn't.

Laying down on the floor, he sighed.

"If Sousuke were here he'd tell me to stop being so lazy and do something," he rolled over onto his stomach. "And I'd say 'like what? there's nothing to do~' and he'd suggest I draw up some designs at my 'work desk' then I would groan and say 'I don't feel like it~ I just want to lay here and cuddle you~'" Seijuro let out a sad moan, drumming his fingers on the floor. "And Sousuke'd reply 'aw~ I want to cuddle you too, honey~' and then we would hold each other and kiss and touch and-... ah, I think this is just the imaginary Sousuke in my dreams…"

Staring at the ceiling, Seijuro thought 'But then again Sousuke is the Sousuke of my dreams? He's the person of my dreams, so perfect~ Too perfect!' and in a way, it was true.

Sousuke made Seijuro so happy that sometimes it hurt. Sometimes Seijuro wondered what he did to deserve such a happiness. He couldn't believe how lucky he was to find someone who balanced him out, listened to him, laughed with him, and on top of all that, liked him back! It felt nearly impossible. Not to mention Sousuke accepted him for all his numerous faults. Also not to mention, Sousuke's body…

Seijuro touched his jaw to find that he'd begun drooling. He sat up and wiped the spit away.

He indeed loved Sousuke's body and often fantasized about the things he would one day (hopefully) get to do it - things that would make Sousuke moan, pant, gasp, scream - Seijuro shook his head then laid back down. He was too lazy to even masturbate right now, so he knew he shouldn't think of those things.

Seijuro let out another heavy sigh before pulling out his cell phone and sending Sousuke a text.

"I love you and I'm bored."

A minute later he got the romantic reply,

"Stupid."

* * *

Seijuro grinned widely from across their favorite cafe table.

"A few more sessions and I'm certified~" He sang happily. "Want to be my first customer?"

"Hell no," Sousuke quickly said, taking a sip of his usual drink. "A tattooing needle is never going anywhere near-" He paused as he remembered something important. A small pinch of guilt brushed over his heart, so he altered his words at the last second. "-me anytime soon. Maybe. Eventually. But not now. For a long time."

Seijuro nodded and held his lover's hand.

"Isn't it exciting?" Seijuro laughed. "What should we do to celebrate?"

Sousuke gave a moment's thought before answering, "Beer and fried chicken?"

Seijuro stared deep into Sousuke's eyes and then reminded him, "I'm seriously in love with you."

"Okay."

"Seriously. You're perfect."

"Okay."

* * *

"Yeah, I think you guys make a good match," Rin admitted during one of the rare times where the two best friends could meet up. They walked along the near-empty city streets, Rin's hands casually in his pockets.

Sousuke took a gulp of soda as he looked to the sky.

Rin went on, "I mean, it's like I said before, he's fun and you're boring so you guys need each other or whatever. Seijuro-san can fly away from reality and you bring him back to Earth. You're a bit of a pessimist, so I think being with him makes you smile more."

Sousuke turned away to hide a blush that dared to grace his cheeks. He chuckled inwardly thinking of how proudly Seijuro would sometimes wear his embarrassed redness. In that sense, he envied Seijuro's shamelessness.

"But… do you think we're good together," Sousuke repeated. "Like… visually?"

Rin stopped walking to stare at his friend.

The blush was daring to creep back up as Sousuke stopped and turned to Rin.

The redhead was struggling. To laugh as hard as he wanted to would draw so much attention, but what Sousuke had just said was easily the funniest thing Rin had heard in a month or so. He loved this. Sousuke's relationship with Seijuro was showing all sorts of hilarious sides to the usually stoic brunet. Rin didn't know what to do. To hold in his laughter or just let it out?

If he had known Sousuke would hit him so hard, he wouldn't have let it out.

* * *

All the recaps still left him confused, dazed, and hungover a little too early. He must have been drinking. He must have messed with the wrong person. Why was he fired? He had no job now? But how would he pay rent? He didn't know the girl he was with. Why had he been drinking? Because he lost his job? The girl felt so nice especially when her body pushed away the thoughts of not being able to afford an apprenticeship at a tattoo shop. He didn't want to think about anything or be afraid. It was giving him a headache. The booze helped. Or maybe it gave him the headache. He couldn't tell anymore. He felt broken. His body ached. He'd definitely been in a fight. His body yearned. This girl was being so sexy.

"Here is good."

"Are you sure? We can do it here?"

"Yeah, yeah."

His words and feelings… it felt like an out of body experience. He could see himself and hear himself screaming, "Stop!" but he had already been addicted to the relief of not thinking. Of not making decisions.

"Oh yeah, just like that."

"Spread your legs a bit more."

"Oh! You're so good…"

"Yeah, you like that, Sousuke?"

"Sousuke? Bwahaha, what the hell? Who's that?"

Stumbling back from that sloppy encounter, he remembers being slapped better than he remembers actually barfing on her. But harder than her hand met his cheek, a realization meets him.

* * *

"Sousuke," Seijuro said breathlessly into the phone. He stood in a public bathroom near his studio apartment, staring at himself in the mirror. He'd been there for an hour. "Sousuke."

"What?" The big brunet asked sleepily. "Shouldn't you be at work?"

"I was fired."

"What?"

"I was fired. I don't have a job. I don't have a job and I did something bad."

"You don't... isn't that something bad. Isn't being fired-"

"No, no," Seijuro could feel tears welling up. He clenched his eyes shut and sure enough, that couldn't keep them from flowing out. He felt like he was going to puke up his whole stomach and then some. Like he would gag and vomit forever or at least until he was forgiven, but he knew forgiveness wasn't something he deserved. "Sousuke."

"Why do you keep saying my name? Seijuro, what did you do?"

"I love you so much."

"Seiju-"

"I cheated on you.

I'm sorry."


End file.
